"For all of your information,im now studying at local uni Unimap,perlis.I'm sorry that have been a long time do not update my blog posts,promise will update it when i am free.=)"
When i was on my way to Perlis,I'm thinking i will have a new life at there,and i hope that i really can be happy at there.And yeah,this turns out to be true.I really had a happy life at there,although the environment at there a bit 'speechless',but I having a very cute coursemates.=)Hmm,about our lovely coursemates,i will update in another posts la k,be patient.While im studying at there,i'm slowly away from insomnia,maybe because of busying with all the assignments and tests,and i thought i'm already fine and ready to accept the truth that my mum already up to heaven...
After roughly spending two months at there,there is time to get back here,i'm really very scared and worry...wonder how my sis changed to be,wonder what is happening in family already,wonder whether i will be very suffered and sad when i get back into the family again..My heart full of nervousness and worries,i don't know what words should i use to describe it.
The moment i step into my hometown...Unexpectedly,my heart very pain,tears just running my eyes.My mind just like replaying the slide shows of the days when my mum at hospital...How i suffered when im just can see my mum lying on the bed and leave us,but i just can't do anything except just crying badly at there...I'm really very sad until now,the 3th days i have been in my hometown.I realised that all this while i'm just cheating myself,i never away from this,the most bad dream in my life...never...I'm just a very weak girl,missing my mum every seconds i'm alive in this world... I really miss her,miss her everything...1 years had gone,but yet i'm still like this,i really don't know what am i going to do...
Do you understand my feelings?Missing someone that will not come back to you again is more more more worse than missing someone will come back to you just the problem of time only...
"Mum,do you hear me?I really miss your scolds,your laughs,your smiles,your shoulders,your teaching,your everything...I really very miss you deeply comes from my bottom heart...did u know that?I'm wonder whether along this time i'm just living under your shadows,your images,i'm just never away from all of your memories...And I'm sorry i can't take good care of sister,please tell me what still can i do?what can i do for sister?what can i do for this family already?I'm really helpless...How good if you are still here with us..."
Instead of such kind of sad feelings,this time i try to think from my dad's side..I think no matter how he have did wrong,he still my dad...No matter how,i still will try my best playing my roles as his daughter..taking good care of him..I will try my best...I will talk patiently with him,will not argue with him like last time already,i promise...I really don't know why this time come back,i can be like this...I wish I can keep this up and maintain a good familyship with my dad...Really hope one day there will be no quarrels in my family again and my sister will become more and more good..Mum,please give me some strength to continue all of this...
When i was on my way to Perlis,I'm thinking i will have a new life at there,and i hope that i really can be happy at there.And yeah,this turns out to be true.I really had a happy life at there,although the environment at there a bit 'speechless',but I having a very cute coursemates.=)Hmm,about our lovely coursemates,i will update in another posts la k,be patient.While im studying at there,i'm slowly away from insomnia,maybe because of busying with all the assignments and tests,and i thought i'm already fine and ready to accept the truth that my mum already up to heaven...
After roughly spending two months at there,there is time to get back here,i'm really very scared and worry...wonder how my sis changed to be,wonder what is happening in family already,wonder whether i will be very suffered and sad when i get back into the family again..My heart full of nervousness and worries,i don't know what words should i use to describe it.
The moment i step into my hometown...Unexpectedly,my heart very pain,tears just running my eyes.My mind just like replaying the slide shows of the days when my mum at hospital...How i suffered when im just can see my mum lying on the bed and leave us,but i just can't do anything except just crying badly at there...I'm really very sad until now,the 3th days i have been in my hometown.I realised that all this while i'm just cheating myself,i never away from this,the most bad dream in my life...never...I'm just a very weak girl,missing my mum every seconds i'm alive in this world... I really miss her,miss her everything...1 years had gone,but yet i'm still like this,i really don't know what am i going to do...
Do you understand my feelings?Missing someone that will not come back to you again is more more more worse than missing someone will come back to you just the problem of time only...
"Mum,do you hear me?I really miss your scolds,your laughs,your smiles,your shoulders,your teaching,your everything...I really very miss you deeply comes from my bottom heart...did u know that?I'm wonder whether along this time i'm just living under your shadows,your images,i'm just never away from all of your memories...And I'm sorry i can't take good care of sister,please tell me what still can i do?what can i do for sister?what can i do for this family already?I'm really helpless...How good if you are still here with us..."
Instead of such kind of sad feelings,this time i try to think from my dad's side..I think no matter how he have did wrong,he still my dad...No matter how,i still will try my best playing my roles as his daughter..taking good care of him..I will try my best...I will talk patiently with him,will not argue with him like last time already,i promise...I really don't know why this time come back,i can be like this...I wish I can keep this up and maintain a good familyship with my dad...Really hope one day there will be no quarrels in my family again and my sister will become more and more good..Mum,please give me some strength to continue all of this...
8 comments:
Hi sansan,
There are 3 stages of grief: Numbness, disorganization, and reintergration. It is not an easy thing to go through but you are not alone. I could share with you more.
You mom will be happy to see you growing up and has become so mature now. I am sure she is very proud of you. Keep it up !!!
you are doing good in UniMAP note the capital letters... haha... these only are the real ones... SO... just keep up with how things are... and you'll be find i guess... i used to be a blogger... xD
hi sansan... i know how you are feeling at the moment... sometime in my life i lost my mom too.. and everyday i always wish that i can hear her voice again and feel her hugs and kisses.being in the same place again would make you feel sad.. but it can also make you strong as you face a new chapter in your life. remember your mom when she is still alive..and think what she would always tell you whenever you need her by your side. i know how hard it is to be strong for your loveones (dad and sister). feeling like you carry the whole world upon your shoulders. be strong sansan.. your mom is always beside you to guide you.
gambateh......
To peng yiu : You are?did i know you?Anyway,thanks a lot for your encouragement.Im trying hard to go through all of this...I wish i can too!
To John : Your comments so sweat ah...so obssessed with unimap??haha,blogger also need to mention unimap...== Thanks a lot,i wish i will be fine too...
To anonymous : You are?Thanks for your encouragement..Sometime whenever i just mention her,or think of her,i just can't hold on my tears...Especially when im home,every corners have her images,her shadows...sometime i really don't know what to do.But anyway still i will try my best to overcome all of this,thanks a lot!!!
To Nicholas : Thanks..=)
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