I use my half hours online time in my relative's house to write this post.Hope able to express my feeling well in this post.Life without MSN,still quite meaningfull.I found out that the time that i use to online actually can use to do a lot of other more meaningful things.But,honestly,i not so used to it.Life without chatting with friends especially you already,make my mind always playing the scene that the moment when we always chat.Whenever i share my sadness with you,your support melt my heart.I suddenly think of the sentence you said,'i happy,u happy,you will always support me no matter i am sad or happy...'what a touched sentence,believe me,it already being curved in my heart.No one can grab it away...of course,noone can grab our wonderful friendship footstep in my heart away...Every moment,every hours,every minutes,every seconds,i always appreciate our friendship...The leaving of friends especially you always left me feeling of vulnerable and depressed.But,no matter how hurt i am when friends leave,i always wish you all all the best,support you all fully from my bottom heart...I can swear,my support and spirit always with you all no matter you all go where to continue study.But,i really very miss you all.No matter how many new friends that i known,noone can replace best friend's place in my heart.I always says that i found an 'idol' to replace you,but honestly,NO...noone can actually replace my friend's place in my heart,NOONE.Of course,new friends can create another places in my heart...I think recently i found one.My first impression to her is someone who is quite active...But,through chatting with her,i think she not such kind of people if we know her well,and she is such same kind of people like me...who is always so emotional,can sad without reason,can happy without reason,can have some weird friendships which even we ourselves duno how to explain...
This few days,coz of certain reasons which i don't want to mention,I duno what am i doing,just don't know..but i think i just will try to do it until my heart truly heal or until there are any reasons that stop me from continue my actions.Give up...Duno when i start to make such decision...is it a impulsive action?I DUNO...I wish to be a magnanimous people,and won hurts easily.I still cant change the actual huisan...I always do silly things,pretend to be happy and din care the person who actually i care most.I duno why,maybe i want to proove that everything that i did are right??or just to pretend happy so that everyone beside me will not feel that i actually in a bad mood.Of course,sometime i din succeed to do it-pretend happy.If i really can't able to do it,means i truly in a bad mood,cant even pretend anymore.I need people concern especially friends,but i don't want their words make my tears which always running in my eyes drops ...hard,is it?So,i always said that i am very weird,people can't even catch when i actually sad.Maybe coz of this,i should not blame anyone if they can't catch when i sad and din concern about my feeling.But,i feel very happy,some friends still can catch when i am really sad even i din say out,Thanks..thanks you all here by my side when i am sad...I miss you all start from the moment you all leave here.Maybe you all din believe,especially YOU-who always din believe i miss you,and din believe even i put u as my display picture..haha..Tomorrow another friends will come back here,hwaiting~I will 'clean my ear' and ready to hear whatever you try to express(although tomorrow will be my most tired day),as i know you really not happy with your study environment which is not really conducive for your study.Another friends will come back next week,I hope i can meet her before she go back study,as i really miss her so much,miss her 'matured' expression when i say she inmatured,miss her jokes which always able to cheer me up,miss her advices which always change my decision...miss her 'pig sleep face'..haha...
Another friend who already being my sister for 3 years,she will come back from NS soon,i suddenly miss her.As i already 2 years din meet her,very very miss her...Whenever i have any sadness,i din forget to tell her,she too...Sometime she call me,and we have chat for quite many hours.I am very happy to hear her voices,which always have the ability to calm me down,cheer me up.She always like a big sister in my heart who always try to protect me...I think she start to protect me since i am kindergarden already.Maybe this is what we called 'destiny'...She will be my lovely sister forever...I hope in future,there are still some chances for us to meet,then for sure i will hug you tightly...and hold your hand every second you stay by my side...before you leave again...She is a very tough person too,no matter what difficulties she face,ya...i can feel she very sad when she try to express everything to me...But,after sometime,she still able to stand upp again and solve all that problems...Sis,no matter how hard your life,please remember my spirit and support always with you.This is my first time saying all this rou ma things,haha...Coz you always is the one who saying all this to me...I know you will never see this blog,but i still intend to say about you,coz i want to leave your images,our memories in this blog...Every words,every sentences in this blog who describe you,really comes from my bottom heart...which only can be written,but will not brave to say out from my mouth when i face you...coz I am a shy people,and i know you too..haha...Some words just can be written,but not saying them out,but they still remain very sweet in youe heart...until melt your heart...
I think i will not try to change who i actually is...but,some changes still will happen in huisan.I must do that just for my future,my study...I promise in my heart,and swear in my heart...in this 2 years,huisan sure will change to become better.But,if she become someone not too care about some other things,please forgive her...As she hope that her mind just have STUDY this word...
This few days,coz of certain reasons which i don't want to mention,I duno what am i doing,just don't know..but i think i just will try to do it until my heart truly heal or until there are any reasons that stop me from continue my actions.Give up...Duno when i start to make such decision...is it a impulsive action?I DUNO...I wish to be a magnanimous people,and won hurts easily.I still cant change the actual huisan...I always do silly things,pretend to be happy and din care the person who actually i care most.I duno why,maybe i want to proove that everything that i did are right??or just to pretend happy so that everyone beside me will not feel that i actually in a bad mood.Of course,sometime i din succeed to do it-pretend happy.If i really can't able to do it,means i truly in a bad mood,cant even pretend anymore.I need people concern especially friends,but i don't want their words make my tears which always running in my eyes drops ...hard,is it?So,i always said that i am very weird,people can't even catch when i actually sad.Maybe coz of this,i should not blame anyone if they can't catch when i sad and din concern about my feeling.But,i feel very happy,some friends still can catch when i am really sad even i din say out,Thanks..thanks you all here by my side when i am sad...I miss you all start from the moment you all leave here.Maybe you all din believe,especially YOU-who always din believe i miss you,and din believe even i put u as my display picture..haha..Tomorrow another friends will come back here,hwaiting~I will 'clean my ear' and ready to hear whatever you try to express(although tomorrow will be my most tired day),as i know you really not happy with your study environment which is not really conducive for your study.Another friends will come back next week,I hope i can meet her before she go back study,as i really miss her so much,miss her 'matured' expression when i say she inmatured,miss her jokes which always able to cheer me up,miss her advices which always change my decision...miss her 'pig sleep face'..haha...
Another friend who already being my sister for 3 years,she will come back from NS soon,i suddenly miss her.As i already 2 years din meet her,very very miss her...Whenever i have any sadness,i din forget to tell her,she too...Sometime she call me,and we have chat for quite many hours.I am very happy to hear her voices,which always have the ability to calm me down,cheer me up.She always like a big sister in my heart who always try to protect me...I think she start to protect me since i am kindergarden already.Maybe this is what we called 'destiny'...She will be my lovely sister forever...I hope in future,there are still some chances for us to meet,then for sure i will hug you tightly...and hold your hand every second you stay by my side...before you leave again...She is a very tough person too,no matter what difficulties she face,ya...i can feel she very sad when she try to express everything to me...But,after sometime,she still able to stand upp again and solve all that problems...Sis,no matter how hard your life,please remember my spirit and support always with you.This is my first time saying all this rou ma things,haha...Coz you always is the one who saying all this to me...I know you will never see this blog,but i still intend to say about you,coz i want to leave your images,our memories in this blog...Every words,every sentences in this blog who describe you,really comes from my bottom heart...which only can be written,but will not brave to say out from my mouth when i face you...coz I am a shy people,and i know you too..haha...Some words just can be written,but not saying them out,but they still remain very sweet in youe heart...until melt your heart...
I think i will not try to change who i actually is...but,some changes still will happen in huisan.I must do that just for my future,my study...I promise in my heart,and swear in my heart...in this 2 years,huisan sure will change to become better.But,if she become someone not too care about some other things,please forgive her...As she hope that her mind just have STUDY this word...
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