Here i am."Stealing' my cousin's laptop and update my blog again although i am not active anymore in msn,but this blog still is a place that let me express my REAL feeling...I think from here,you know me better, than when you face me,talk with me,or even you are my quite close friends... or in short words,when you interact with me...you still don't know what actually this huisan is thinking....
I have went to school for three days,every day also very tired.But,I think there are still not much homework.Maybe i spend much time in doing again all homework for tuitions,revise again what teacher taught and a lot of tuition!!Ya,i admit i become more hardworking than before.A bit la..haha..Life in Form6 till now still quite ok la,the condition of my class quite conducive for study,sometime la..This is because when i din understand something,i can ask a person who is pro and sit infront of me..haha..and discuss with some friends.Thanks ya,for all you all helps.I appreciate that.I also get close with a friends in quite a short period of time who maybe before this i have misunderstood to her.With her,i feel quite happy and i realise she is quite a not bad people,not as what as the rumours said.But,i hope i din become 'crazy huisan' again..Now,still thinking want buy presents for her or not,as her birthday is coming...Hmm...haha..
K...my form six life is briefly like that.After saying all that,i guess this is the time for me to express my feeling right here.As this blog always is the only place that i can express my REAL feeling.Haiz,what am i doing??i really don't know...Life which is always keep on pretending and hiding my real sad feeling is really very hard...I CAN'T!!!wondering what i did is right or not.The people infront of you although you can see her or him every day,but she or he become a stranger that you din get to know her or him anymore is most desperate thing than anything.On the way of doing the 'action',i thought i can continue although i am sad,but i never thought i CAN'T!!!why?why i always decide something that i CAN'T do??Now,i just like a bird of losing direction,but still keep on flying although my all feathers already keep on droping from my body...and keep on pretending that i can go the destination that i planned to go,smiles still always appear in my face...The most bad feeling is not when you are sad,but is you have to pretend happy although you are very sad...That is what the silly thing that i always did.I already don't know the way to cure it.'it'..the wound that pain in my heart every single seconds...I think everyone thinks that i am such a cruel person,but i actually just a people who is wearing mask infront of my friends.But,the mask here din mean that i want to cheat what or trying to do whatever bad things,just coz i don't want let anyone know my real feeling...izzit i am stupid?i also don't know what for i doing all this?coz of too care and scared of losing or i really get tired??I really don't know what myself thinking of...what i can do just try to forget about all such damn feelings...i just hope i am not such emotional person,i hate such characteristic of myself...i really hate that.How good is it if i can become a human that din have any feeling just like a clon human?Clon human?why i said so?coz they same as us is a human,but is a human without any feelings.(That is what i watched from a movie.)
Life being like this is just really like 'killing' my own heart...i wonder my heart still function normally or not...
I have went to school for three days,every day also very tired.But,I think there are still not much homework.Maybe i spend much time in doing again all homework for tuitions,revise again what teacher taught and a lot of tuition!!Ya,i admit i become more hardworking than before.A bit la..haha..Life in Form6 till now still quite ok la,the condition of my class quite conducive for study,sometime la..This is because when i din understand something,i can ask a person who is pro and sit infront of me..haha..and discuss with some friends.Thanks ya,for all you all helps.I appreciate that.I also get close with a friends in quite a short period of time who maybe before this i have misunderstood to her.With her,i feel quite happy and i realise she is quite a not bad people,not as what as the rumours said.But,i hope i din become 'crazy huisan' again..Now,still thinking want buy presents for her or not,as her birthday is coming...Hmm...haha..
K...my form six life is briefly like that.After saying all that,i guess this is the time for me to express my feeling right here.As this blog always is the only place that i can express my REAL feeling.Haiz,what am i doing??i really don't know...Life which is always keep on pretending and hiding my real sad feeling is really very hard...I CAN'T!!!wondering what i did is right or not.The people infront of you although you can see her or him every day,but she or he become a stranger that you din get to know her or him anymore is most desperate thing than anything.On the way of doing the 'action',i thought i can continue although i am sad,but i never thought i CAN'T!!!why?why i always decide something that i CAN'T do??Now,i just like a bird of losing direction,but still keep on flying although my all feathers already keep on droping from my body...and keep on pretending that i can go the destination that i planned to go,smiles still always appear in my face...The most bad feeling is not when you are sad,but is you have to pretend happy although you are very sad...That is what the silly thing that i always did.I already don't know the way to cure it.'it'..the wound that pain in my heart every single seconds...I think everyone thinks that i am such a cruel person,but i actually just a people who is wearing mask infront of my friends.But,the mask here din mean that i want to cheat what or trying to do whatever bad things,just coz i don't want let anyone know my real feeling...izzit i am stupid?i also don't know what for i doing all this?coz of too care and scared of losing or i really get tired??I really don't know what myself thinking of...what i can do just try to forget about all such damn feelings...i just hope i am not such emotional person,i hate such characteristic of myself...i really hate that.How good is it if i can become a human that din have any feeling just like a clon human?Clon human?why i said so?coz they same as us is a human,but is a human without any feelings.(That is what i watched from a movie.)
Life being like this is just really like 'killing' my own heart...i wonder my heart still function normally or not...
1 comment:
I think maybe everyone also hate some parts of themselves. I used to mask my feelings until it had become a habit..How to cure it? Well...i had to make myself realise that my face doesnt matter to ppl...and actually i'm much happier being honest instead of always hiding.
Why be so harsh on yourself? You must believe that you can be happy, stop that depressing thought that you can never be happy! Just like you took a positive mind on your studies, you can do it too with your heart! Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones...because what we think might not actually be the truth...so why not think something better?
Being emotional is not something wrong. It's natural for humans.
Biru orang tulen, jujur, tidak suka berpura-pura. "The truth will set you free." I believe you will reach your destination...you can de! Surely feathers will grow again...much stronger feathers!
Gambateh! I will also work hard!
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