Im suppose sleeping now,as im so sleepy liao. But dont know why suddenly got mood want write blog. Complicated feelings here. I just felt tired actually, felt im stressed with all the burdens around me. Sometime im swear next time should find a multi-purpose husband, who know everything, won give me a chance to think of such complicated stuffs. And such dad can give a safe feeling for his daughters. I'm actually in a very messy mood for few months already, because of my sis things. How to send her to university? How to bring her back during holiday? How if our holiday didn't same? How is she alone at there? I hate to depend on others actually, especially relative. I didn't like such feeling. I wonder why my dad can know nothing, even just ask for a bus ticket, also me myself find around the bus station. He just can standing behind me and ask me to be faster. I know maybe he is still a good father, because he always tend to manage house works quite well. But...Even my relative want discuss my sis things, also tend to pass the phone for me to discuss instead of talking and discuss with my dad. Although somehow i will felt very fed up sometime, but still i never blame him, i just can done my best for my sis. Just i have to giving myself to express sometime. Ahhhh...I just wish i can taking a very very very long breathe to express the feeling of like a lot of stones at the bottom of my heart...or take a long long long sigh...*haihz*...Im extremely stress!!!!!
I don't know how to express such feelings,and don't know where should i express. Even if i can express bit infront of my friends, i guess such feeling just me myself can understand. When i can't buy tickets go to johor for both bus and train...Im really helpless that time.Very damn helpless...my dad just can show his worry face infront of me without giving me any good idea. He just ask me drive to johor from kelantan. I was thinking is it this is a childish idea? Did he ever think this is so far? No people help me drive somemore. Im not a robot, Im just normal girl, who need a very normal life, but not such extreme life for having so much toughs along my life. In my mind,i just can think of friends can help me out. Luckily he helped me out. He was a special one, always treating me so damn good, everything he will think for me. I don't know where i can find such a nice guy like him already. But,somehow i still don't know how lah with him...like still lack of something. But in real, he gave me a safe feeling.
Every time i just can walk step by step without thinking so much, I just can be like this, and im really trying so hard. Somehow every time while im having so much problems, i just can stand up to settle again after cried for a short time. I just can felt comfort when i hug my sister tightly. Just think of whatever i do just for my sister. But everytime im home, every night i dream of my mum. This just can show how much i hope my mum was still here. Im pretty sure she will settle everything for us. She will arrange orderly everything infront of us. All i have to do just step over and follow the path. But now, im like the one who arranging the path for my whole family. Arrange one step and walk over one step. I really hope everything can goes on smoothly... I'm sorry dad, sometime i just can't talk with you. This will makes me angry. Coz every time you just keep asking how the things going on, im your daughter...daughter...I wonder how much i really capable to do all of this. I really hope i can be tough enough...but even tough enough,i wish i won getting tired mentally...i'm sad actually, didn't wish to going on all of this. But i have no choice...
Recently have some friends gathering, realise some friends who are quite close during secondary school, when meet up will become speechless. But very weird, some kind like very close feelings still exist between us. Can anyone explain about this? *haha* If for previous me, im sure keep finding reason for this. But now, Im just will smile towards all of this and just will satisfied even we just meet up long time once. Im just keep asking myself to be satisfied for everything i had. Nice feelings anyway, but somehow will suddenly have a stupid thinking, like if didn't meet old friends better. Because meet for few times, when back to university, i will miss them =( But if didn't meet, i will forget the deep feelings. haha. But im still choose to meet them and had fun. Every time i just need time to get use. Get use back to university life, get used their absence for a while...Then everything will be alright. But for now, my feelings really deep =( Time time faster walk!
That's how complicated and deep feelings i have....That's all~*praying hard for everything i have to overcome soon*
